He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
