Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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