she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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