god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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