This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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