Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
