this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
