I skipped work to stalk him.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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