I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Randomize