we're chasing vodka with high fives
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
