you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
