absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
