I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
