dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
