You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Are my feet made of real feet?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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