At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
