It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
