I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize