So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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