I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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