checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
