omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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