I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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