she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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