My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
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Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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