I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
