When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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