Small penises have feelings too.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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