I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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