you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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