I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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