did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My balls are so social today.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
and you fell through a lawn chair
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
