i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
