so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
