dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize