Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
