Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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