new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
