I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
