I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
