he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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