When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
