Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
