she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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