I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
