I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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