Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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