You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
