Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
