if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
