If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you had me at cake vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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