oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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