census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
