if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize