oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
