i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
