if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
