I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
