put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
