She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
false alarm, still single
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
