Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Randomize
