Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
