I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
