I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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