good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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