I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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