God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
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all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
How naked do you want me to be?
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