You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
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do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
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I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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