Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
