speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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