I just made out with a guy for $7.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
