I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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