Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
