i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
