I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
